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Hello, one and all. Wellcome to the site!! I'm really happy to be able to do this, and bring some interesting stuff to my own site. Well, hopefully it's interesting. Hehehe.
Seeing as this is the first entry on the page, I'd like to make this disclaimer.. The thoughts and opinions expressed herein are soully those of me and are only written to vent and give a bit of insight into how I feel and think and to basically give my stance on some issues, if necisarry. That's all this is..
Aaaaah. Now that's out of the way.... I guess I will sorta reintroduce myself back to the web and to those who may not have been able to be in touch with me and what has been going on over the years with yours truly.. I figured, now would be a good time to catch up on things, since at my old website, mostly my mom, who was my manager at the time, had pretty much been running things. So good, bad, or indifferent, I had hardly any say in content and or things I wanted to put on, since I thought it was supposed to be _my website.. But hey, we all go through stages of wanting to have control before we know what to do with it. And truthfully, back then, if I had control, with the way I felt about things in my life and my job, I would've been probably the most bitter, depressing guy on the world wide web... Now days, of course my thoughts and opinions are just that. And while they are many times contravercial, colorful, and not all that popular, they are the real me and I feel like at this point, I have the freedom to express those such as they are, if I need to. The difference between me then, and me now, is that then I felt that everyone else should feel the way I did about the things I felt strongly for... Yes, I know... But now, what I say is just how _I personally feel and if so driven to write about something or if someone asks my opinion about something, I will have no real fear of saying what I really want to say, as I'm not "mainstream" anymore. But also, I'm in a different place in my life now. I'm a lot happier than I used to be, albeit still very cynical about many things, but I'm very lucky and glad to have some great jobs where I can play good music, do good things, and not have to worry about whether my record sales will go down because I feel a certain way or said something.. That's almost like having your cake and eating it too I suppose. Hehehehe.. Furthermore, in reading what I write, take it with a grain of salt. It is either something you agree with or don't agree with. And that's fine. That's what makes this country great... Well, I guess we'll start in with as brief of a recap as possible, from the time I "disappeared", til now...
We'll start after I won the Hoku award in 99, well even before that, I was real bitter about a lot of things. "Young and angry", I felt like I really had no outlet to vent.. A good number of my contemporaries, or folks my age, were interested in Jawaiian or other popular stuff, and I was interested in playing older stuff as well as jazz, and blues, and some other meaningful music. And this is to say nothing about the competitiveness and politically self-serving motivated nature of the music industry both on a local and national level... All these things occured to me as realizations, and I became less interested in being involved around this time. So I continued doing minimal stuff like working at care homes for the old folks, playing at Brew Moon a night or two a week, soully doing a jazz and blues type thing. I actually got to a point where I wanted to quit music altogether. Why was I so frustrated?.. Mainly it was the kind of music that was popular at the time, both locally and nationally. Pop music, sans music, in my opinion.... Also there was a lot of guys burning me left and right both personally and "professionally" wich got me thinking that this is not something I want to do. I felt alone, alienated, and wanting to get out of "the business".. I was an alcoholic for a long time, and did all kinds of other stuff to just "get through" things that I was doing.. I became a monster of my own in a way. Rather self destructive.. But that's part of it..
But it's funny... After I meant to just go away and be done with it, I end up landing some jobs in several higher profile and well known bands such as the Ka'au Crater Boys, the Opihi Pickers, Typical Hawaiians, and playing with several other bands on the side. But, personally something was still missing. I mean, all of that was a lot of fun, and especially with the KCB (Ka'au Crater Boys) I think I actually had more fun than I ever did during my "solo career".. But after they disbanded in 2001, I became a full fledged Opihi Picker.. That was fun too, as I was playing drums, my first instrument technically. So I did that for a while, being part of a kind of "boy band", and playing drums. It was fun, and quite enjoyable. It was great to be playing and spending time with the guys. I actually felt like I was part of something good.
But the other side of my life... Personally, around that time, I was a mess.. I had always felt that _my role in this world was to be a care-taker, nurturer, to love one person and be settled.. For a long time, no one was interested. Then in 2002, after several failed relationships, I met the one I was meant for and who was meant for me... Her name is Julie. Well, from the minute we met, I knew this was it for me. It took me a while to really know though, bing the cynic that I am, and had grown used to being cheated on.. We've been through a lot together, and despite everypossible roadblock, we've come through and spit in the face of advercity. So to speak..
Anyway, back to what I was doing then.. SO 2003 comes along. I'm juggling playing with a friend of mine and working with the Opihi Pickers and a few other bands.. Then in June of that year, I got an offer from Ray Sowders, that friend of mine and local slack-key musician, to play at Chilli's Kahala from Wednesday through Sunday.. Now _that was a fun little job. 7-9, food tab, $125 per man each night! And five nights a week? You do the math.. I thought this would be a great way to take care of things financially for me.. Especially since, as many 24-year-olds do, I had gotten a few creddit cards and was having trouble paying them for a while.. But we won't get _too involved in that..
Well, I took the job, seeing that made about the most sense I could figure, not to mention a few dollars here and there. Only trouble was, I had to remove myself from the Pickers. That made me a bit sad, but I still got to play on the CD's wich was kinda nice. I miss playing with them to this day.... Well, the other thing was, after I took the job, I didn't take into account the establishment's rain polacy.. Or lack there of.. Because we played outside on the paddio, if it rained that night, we were sent home with no pay if we didn't start or only played a few songs, or half if we at least made it til the second set.... So my goodness.. I didn't really make all that much as I thought I would've..
Well 2004 roles around and I'm still doing the Chilli's thing, when it doesn't rain. (chortle chortle) And I'm also starting to play with the Geezers again.. They're a classic country band who I'd been playing with off and on since 1999.. Don, the leader, is a great guy with an awesome sense of humor.. I even coe-hosted a DJ show with him in March of that year on local station KUMU A.M. 1500 from 3-5 on Fridays.. That was fun. Well, in July of that year, Ray and I got let go from Chilli's. And a week before that, rent for the place that Julie and I were staying in went up a lot! So you can see where this is going....
A year from hell.... I then frantically looked around for work. Everyone I knew from people I hadn't talked to for a long time, to people I never thought I would talk to again.. That's how it goes though.... That taught me a lot too, being down and out like that. It really showed me who would really be there for me, from those who said they would and really weren't, to those who actually helped a lot. And it taught me a lot about myself.. Julie and I had to move about 4 times within 6 months.. We lived in a house that was infested with roachees! Heheheh. And then Kalihi Valley, also affectionately called "the ghetto" and "housing for wayward wackos" and "the mousy housy"... Actually that one's cuter and made it a little more easy to deal with than the other two, so that's how we refer to it usually.
And then in February of 2005, we got lucky..
A place in Waikiki opened up.. And it was just the place I had in mind when I was looking for a place when I first started living on my own some time ago! Studio on a high floor in what used to be a hotel! Truly a stroke of luck. Actually Julie found it for us, and we were able to move in that very weekend she found it. I didn't look back!.. I had gotten a job at the Reef in August of 2004, Kevin, one of the members of the Opihi Pickers had this job, and brought me in to play with himself and another fella. I expressed interest to our boss about me
working more nights if at all possible.. At that very time I told her this, we found the place out here in Waikiki, and it worked out so perfectly because I was now right down the road from my job! So I began subbing for anyone who couldn't make it, and also I picked up four nights...
Well, at the very end of 2006, the Aloha Lounge closed down at the Reef.. This was where I worked the bulk of my week.. Shortly thereafter I started working at the same hotel, this time at the Shorebird. I had always wanted to work there, and now, finally I have my chance.. Big thanks to both Rod Tanu and Norman Brown, both instrumental in giving me the opportunity to work there. It's a lot of fun, and very enjoyable!
I am also still at the Cheescake Factory, as well as the Moana Surfrider,A Westin Resort..
3 and a half years ago, I had decided for practicality's sake to take solo jobs if they were offered to be taken. I have become a lot more comfortable with myself, and with what I try to do.. And actually, at the Surfrider, that's exactly what I'm doing. I'm working solo.. But it's a lot of fun! Very relaxing, as we're pretty much right on the water..
I still feel the same way if not worse about the whole "industry" side of music, and I always will.. But thankfully I think I've found the right thing for me. I'm a lot more easy-going about my playing, singing, or whatever as long as it's fun.. And of course if you can pay the bills too. That definitely helps. I know I had vocalized to many people, both inside the music scene and out, that I wasn't gonna do that again. But I think I've found my gnich. Doing it low key like this is the perfect thing! I don't deal with any of the wierdness really, I don't have any stress, no pressure to follow up with another CD, or uphold some kind of image of someone you're not, nothing like that. Just me, that old guitar, and people giving requests... If I don't know the songs, the guy after me will. Heheheh. But it's really fun and I am enjoying it a lot. And as far as CD's go, this is how I feel about it. Firstly, of course, I never turn down session work. That's always fun. But in terms of me doing "my thing" on recording, the way I look at it is, the only way I'll ever record and do the whole CD thing again, is just the way I'm working now. Very low key. Just sell 'em on the job, and record stuff either at home, or see if I can do it with a friend's studio or something. And just record stuff I enjoy, so tourists or whoever can just listen to it at home.. It isn't for major distribution or anything. I'm totally not interested in going down that road again. I don't want a producer, or a manager, or anything. I just like it the way it is. I have fun, I can pay my bills, I can relax, and actually enjoy myself for once with what I do. For me, music is still a job. But it's one I can enjoy now, and provide for Julie and myself with, so for that I'm very greatful. I don't have any big lofty ambitions, just that we can have a nice, comfortable life together.
I used to hate my job... I used to be "antieverything".. Now, I'm just happy to be doing what I do steadily, and having fun again. I smile a lot more than I used to, I can tell you that much.. And I owe it all to my other half. She helped me see a lot of things during these last several years now. And because of her love and support, I've gotten over all the humps, and tried to push forward. We've actually helped eachother a lot. I have _everything I've ever wanted now. A few good buddies, good work, a perfect home, and love beyond any I'd ever known. I know it's a lot to ask for, but isn't that what any good man wants?.. I don't know... I know it's what _I wanted, and thankfully, what I have...
Well there you go.. that's it for now. Just figured I'd keep you in the proverbial loop. Thanks for reading, and talk to you later..
Shawny
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I'd be lying if I didn't say that my grandparrents were my biggest fans.. Al throughout my time in music, they have always been supportive in every possible way.. I had this post up for the last two years since my gramma passed away, and four months ago, my grampa died as well. I just want to thank them both for everything they were to me.. Not just in what I did professionally, because that's just a small part of it. To me, they were the best grandparrents anyone could ever have.. So first, here's something taken from the archives of my old website, for my gramma, who had just then passed away. What follows is two different writings actually. The first from a time a few days before she died, and then one day after.. After that I'm gonna say a few things about my grampa..
Early November, 2005: Over the past few weeks, my gramma has been getting worse healthwise.. She'd been on the downward spiral for quite a while now, but over the last month or so it really started to deteriorate even faster, to the point where yesterday my mom called me and said I needed to go see her and my dad was picking me up right then.. Now, I may sound totally heartless in a lot of things I am gonna say and have said here, but it's not because I am a bad person or anything like that. Hopefully you know that.. I'm just someone with some very differing opinions on a lot of issues. And here's another one. I hate to see good people suffering.. Is that a bad thing?? I don't think so. Yeah, on the surface it may seem selfish that _I don't like to see good people suffering, but you can't tell me that there's a good side to suffering when someone's in poor health and they're old. I could see if you're years and years younger and you go through a bunch of bad situations and you're suffering, yet learning, in that regard. But human suffering, as it relates to pain or discomfort is not something I get a whole lot of enjoyment from.. But, the double edged sword for me, was that Gramma specifically asked for me to be there. I can't argue with that. Because while I am all about remembering someone the way they had been, I also try and respect the wishes of a dying person. Izz was a perfect example of me following his instructions to the letter.. When he was dying, he _knew he was dying and he was fully prepared for it. He told me when I play at his feuneral, _don't play none of the sad stuff or anything slow. He was all about it being a celebration of his _life! A few weeks
later, he passed away, and I got the call to be at his feuneral and play a song.. I get there that night, and everybody's crying and doing all these slow sombor songs... Then I get up there and play Henehene Kou Aka, wich as you know was one of those up tempo songs that he had lots of fun with... Now, I'm guessing some people might've been shocked, some even asked me why I did it, and my simple response to them was that _I was respecting his wishes.. Something that noone else thus far had done much of.. And I know it's hard, don't get me wrong. So I guess in that regard I'm really strange for being able to do what I need to.... I must seem emotionless I bet.... But of course I'll miss the people who are no longer here!! But it's my thought that the worse thing to do is not be able to go on or be so broken up about it for so long that I can't keep going. Now for a husband or wife, granted the greef is definitely of a different kind I'm sure. But for family or friends, the best thing _I can do for a loved one who's gone is to keep _their memory alive..
So that brings me to Gramma.. She's really not doing well. And I know that it probably won't be long at all now. And seeing her yesterday hurt me because I know what she was like. I even think that for some of the others around the house like my Aunt and the nurses, they were probably used to how she's been for the last little while, but I always remember how she was even 5 years ago.. All the memories I have of her are good.. All of them. I probably have more "Gramma Sweetheart" and "Grampa Buddies" stories in my heart than any other kind in my life.. So yes, I will cry. And yes, I will miss her. But I will also be really happy that she won't be suffering anymore. She hasn't been living for a long time now it would seem, and I know she's probably tired of suffering too.. So I just want her to be able to not suffer anymore. I mean it sounded so painful for her to even breathe... But in any case, the hardest part is gonna be the feuneral, should she pass from this latest bout with her ailments... Because it hurts me to see so much greef, obviously it would hurt _anyone. But I know I _have to go, because she wanted me to sing this song for her.. Unchained Melody. She always loved that song, and I just remembered what it was.. I can't sing it..... I can't, but I will if that's what she wants.... She used to joke that Grampa would sing It'll Be A Hot Time In The Old Town Tonight, and I used to laugh... That's how funny my gramma was...
Anyway, I had to go to work last night, since it was too late in the day to find a sub. That was ok, but the part that really tore at me more than seeing everybody in the family gathered at the house, more than _anything, was this.. I went into the room where my gramma is bedridden.. Everyone was kinda fussing over her. They left me alone with her, and I just held her hand.. I told her I love her, of course, but I never expected her to talk back.. But she remembered me.. I wanted to let her rest. I knew that all day people were talking to her and she was having to kinda talk as much as she could.. I wanted to let her rest from that. I just told her I loved her, and that Julie and I both love her very much. But I'm _not good at monologues, so I just sat there holding
her hand. I wasn't about to launch into speach or anything, I just wanted her to know I was there and that I love her.. Well, when it came time to go, I hugged her several times, still holding her hand. But when I got up to leave, she had held on to my hand. Take into acount now, she's weak.. Her hands don't even look like there's any muscle left in them. That scared me too. But she held on to my hand. She didn't want me to go.... And all the rest of that night, I felt that _that was her answer to me saying I love her... And it was understood. I know that she loves me too. And I will probably still cry sometimes thinking about that. Anyone who knows me knows that my grandparrents were not only my biggest fans when I was in the circuit, but also my biggest supporters in life itself! Their house was simply an extention of the home I'd lived in for 22 years with my two brothers, my mom, and my dad... If I wasn't playing drums at their house, I was watching bad B movies with Gramma or watching the Golden Girls or just watching TV. I had fun with both my grandparents and I love them both...
So to Gramma: Thank you so much for being my gramma.... For the last 27 years of _my life, I have always thought about you, and loved you. We've had so many fun times. I don't think we've _ever had a bad one, you and I.. Thank you for you.... And thanks for always thinking of me as a sweetheart... Even though I moved away, and we hadn't seen eachother for long periods at a time, I always talked about you to anyone who would listen. And I know you did the same about me!.. But you truly _are the best gramma _any "sweetheart" could ever have.. And I'm really happy and greatful that I have had you in my life...
I know many of the things I think and feel are different now than when I was younger, but know that this is not just something I'm saying, and that I mean every single word of it. If there _is a god, and if he _is everything everybody says he is, and if there really _is such a place as Heaven, my Gramma's gonna be there no questions asked... Because she was the very best Ggramma in the world.. And she was loving, giving, and so humorous! And she touched _my life with all the fun and good times we've had.
I also have to thank my Julie too. I'm so lucky that I have her. She is the very best!
I love you Gramma. And, if you can, put in a good word for me with Pete, if he's still on duty.... I know it's gonna take some convincing, but heck. If anybody can do it.....
...
Shawny Boy
11-10-05: Yesterday, at 2:30 P.M., my gramma passed away in her sleep.. And that, is the way I had hoped it to be... She was suffering.... I hated to see her like that, and for me the most merciful thing would've been for her to go in her sleep. I was happy for her.. But of course, I'm gonna miss her.
This past Saturday, on a whim, I called Ernie Cruz JR. My gramma loved listening to the two of us play when we were steadily working together. If we were playing somewhere my grandparrents could get to, they were there! So I thought it would be nice if we went over and played a little bit for her.. She was happy when we came over.... And I'm just so glad she got to hear that song that she always wanted me to sing from a long time ago.. Unchained Melody.... I tried it... And it was all I could do to keep from breaking up, considering the situation. But I thought to myself, at least she's hearing it. Originally, she wanted me to do it at her feuneral.. That was her request for like the last 10 years. She would say it jokingly at times, but she _did want that song at her feuneral. But, this way, at least she heard it.. I really don't believe she would've heard it at her feuneral, at least this way she knew I did it at least once, only for her. Because I normally don't do that song.. Not because it's not a good song, but because most people are used
to the very flashy vocal version that is the standard barer by wich most singers do the song, and by wich I can't do it, by the by.. So I did _my version of it... But, no matter what, I'm sure my gramma thought it was ok though... Heheh..
So there we are.. I'm just really lucky to have had such a wonderful gramma. Actually both of my grandparrents.. I love 'em and I always will. Here's hoping
she's getting the treatment.. As I said before, and I will say it again. If there truly is a Heaven, and a God as great as they say, she's there already.. Probably
telling Saint Peter about me..... I only say that, because she really _did talk about me a lot. Don't twist it, she loved all her grandkids and her kids, but for some reason she talked about me so much to anyone who would listen.. That touched me the most because it wasn't that I was Mister Popular whatever guy, it was because I was her grandson and that we had always shared this really special kinship and had a wonderful time whatever we were doing. I'll always remember even the every day things like going over to their house when I lived right next door. My mom and dad knew that if I wasn't home, I didn't go out to the mall like most teenagers, or anything else, I was next door at gramma's house. It was an extention of home.. And somehow it always will be in my mind the way it was...
So thank you gramma.. Thanks for you... I'm gonna miss you like crazy, but I'm always gonna remember the good times.. That won't be hard, because there were so many... All I have to do is think of you and grampa, and it's all there.... I love you.
****
Resting In Peace... Unles of course they're showing Invasion Of The Ants.....
Now then, since that time, I know my grampa missed her.. I definitely felt that all this time.. Hearing about his stay in the hospital, earlier this year, all but confirmed it for me.. I think that kind of love is gone from today's world, but it's really amazing and beautiful to see the last remnance of it in the older folks.. My grampa, although maybe he didn't know it, is one of my heroes. He along with my dad.. He lived during a time that I would've loved to have been alive during, but it's I guess just as well that I apreciate it.. .. I love them both very much.
Being at the feunral, something I told myself I wasn't gonna do, actually made me even more proud to know him after hearing all of his military accomplishments. He was always the one really who made me proud to be an American. My grandparrents were both patriotic, and it definitely rubbed off on me.. He had done a great deal for his country back then. And as I mentioned, it really just made me proud. At first I was sad, with how feunrals usually are with family antics and histrionics and the like, but when the officer started reading down the list of things that my grampa did, I had forgotten everything else and was just filled with pride, and grattitude. It was awesome. It was the first time in a long time I felt like that, as it relates to the country and people in general. ..
But now, both my gramma and grampa are gone.. But not to me.. While I certainly miss them both, I know that they've left me with an endless supply of great memories of good times, and limmitless love that I will always keep with me... Thank you both, for being my grandparrents..
And for now, that's all I can say.
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A Little About My Life Now.
Well howdy. I know it's been a while since I've updated this section of the site. I'm really sorry. But things are very busy, and that is a good thing.. I figured on something this morning while I was looking at this section. I thought it might be better to keep this less highbrow oriented and maybe focus a little more on stories, or things that have happened in my life, and things of that nature. If anyone's interested enough to find out about how I feel on issues that supposedly matter, I do a LOT of survays on my "myspace" page that are not hard to find if you check out the blog section..
So this entry, is mostly a reflection I guess. Keeping you up to date on some of the things that have happened and that may happen with me..
I am really enjoying my job now. It's so nice to be wellcomed. There really is something to be said for the feeling that you're an asset and not a liability. Not to say that I'm some kind of myrical worker, but I don't like the feeling of being treated as though I need to be handled with kid gloves or that I'm just another "accident waiting to happen".. I love where I am now in the bulk of what I do..
I also want to take this time to thank everyone that was responsible for getting me into the Shorebird.. Rod, Norman, and a lot of the musicians also.. I really do apreciate it and I'm flattered that you guys thought that much of me to go to bat for me like that.. I really do apreciate it and I will dang sure do my best with everything..
I really enjoy being there, and it's one of the few places I really feel wellcome.. It's a nice feeling, I can tell you that.. And it's very fun with the fellas I'm working with..
And of course I really enjoy the food too.. That's always a plus.. I just feel at home there. Everyone is always so nice to me, and I haven't felt that way in a long time..
And the Cheescake Factory is another place that I really enjoy working. Again, everyone is so complimentary, and real nice to my partner Dennis and I. I think it's just great to be able to work in an environment where you're either apreciated or at least wellcomed. That's always a super nice thing to have.. It makes work even more fun.. And to be honest, it doesn't hurt that the food is good there too.. Hehehehe!
And now I'm at the Sheraton Moana Surfrider on Tuesdays. That's a lot of fun too and the folks are real nice over there. It's one of the rare instances where I work alone and it's actually pretty fun these days!
I also want to use this time to thank my other half (my eer eers) for supporting me and taking care of me.. We've celebrated our 5 year anevercery this past August.. I'm just really fortunate to have such a great homelife with my eer eers and that we still love eachother as much as we do. I know it's a rarity, and I'm really really happy that I am where I am.. Some people have to work to get as close as we are... We have definitely done our share of growing, but if we weren't in love before, it wouldn't have been worth it to go through all that we have. Trust me, I've been in some pretty bad relationships. But it's just great that we are where we are now. I've never been happier in all my adult life..
Ok.. That's all for now. But thanks for reading, and I'll be back with more soon. Take care!
Shawny
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